Gorillas Tired Of Joe Rogan Referring to Gorilla Sex as “Fucking”
Written by Zach Grossfeld
Joe Rogan Experience
KAMPALA, UGANDA - Recently, Gorillas in Uganda began to speak out against podcast mogul Joe Rogan of ‘The Joe Rogan Experience’ for repeatedly referring to the sexual habits of Gorillas as “fucking.” Rogan has worked “Gorilla Fucking” into the past 72 episodes of the podcast.
“We don’t just fuck and treat each other like pieces of meat,” says one Gorilla names Gerard. “We make love too. Every episode, all I hear is, ‘Jamie, pull up that video of those two gorillas fucking.’ Not once has Joe ever shown the world our real capacity for lovemaking.”
According to the CRPP (Center of Research for Primal Penetration), Gorillas “fuck” only 10% of the time when they have sex and have been grossly misrepresented for decades on platforms like the Joe Rogan Experience.
“The most common sexual positions for Gorillas are actually Missionary, the Banana Hammock, the Silverback Bamboo Shuffle, and the Gorilla Glue Gun,” says the Director of CRPP Ronny Reagan. “All of these positions invoke enormous passion, involve intense eye contact, and require complete silence. After sex, Gorillas often say things like:
Did you finish?
You’re still going to talk to me after this, right?
This time felt different than the other Gorillas.
“Many Gorillas have even reported experiencing ‘that teenage feeling’ after the sex is over,” says Reagan.
Even as the lovemaking of Gorillas becomes more commonly accepted, Rogan refuses to acknowledge the sexual depth of the species. Here is a transcript from the most recent episode of JRE with guest Neil Degrasse Tyson:
Rogan: Isn’t it crazy how big the universe is? We are tiny insignificant beings in a sea of planets that we know absolutely nothing about.
Tyson: Well, you see Joe, We are part of this universe; we are in this universe, but perhaps more important than both of those facts, is that the universe is in us.
Rogan: Speaking of something being in us, Jamie, can you pull up that video of those two gorillas fucking?
The Aux Chronicle reached out to the JRE team, but Rogan declined to comment.