Ian Kerner

This time, we sat down with Dr. Ian Kerner, a licensed psychotherapist, nationally recognized sexual counselor, and author of the bestselling book She Comes First. Although the foundation of the Auxoro podcast will always be music, we’ve recently been branching out to include conversations from other lanes like business, sports, science, and other interesting fields. I want to follow my curiosity, even if it leads me outside of music, and I hope that you come along for the ride. What better subject to explore that curiosity than the art of cunnilingus, going down on a woman. In this conversation, Dr. Kerner opens up on the journey through his early sexual experiences, why the clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm, the best techniques to bring pleasure to a woman with your tongue, and the concept of coreplay versus foreplay.

I’m a 25-year-old single dude in NYC and I’ve had some embarrassing sexual experiences. Sometimes it’s tough to find an outlet to talk about topics like this, which is why I’m grateful that Dr. Kerner could shed some light on how to navigate the cunnilingus department. I can personally attest that techniques and mindsets in She Comes First work and I encourage you to check it out and continue to educate yourselves sexually. Whether you are a straight man or a gay woman, or you just want to learn more about becoming a cunnilinguist and improving your clitoracy, this is the episode for you. Without further ado, here is our wide-ranging conversation with Dr. Ian Kerner.

Why Gender Matters with Dr. Leonard Sax

For this week’s episode and the latest installment of the Self Care Series, I sat down with Dr. Leonard Sax to discuss his book Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers need to know about the science of Sex Differences. We started the Self Care series in honor of the late Mac Miller to address issues related to physical, mental, and social well-being. Understanding the differences between boys and girls, men and women, is paramount to self-care and your relationships with others. A little bit of background info on Dr. Sax: He graduated MIT at the age of 19, earned his Ph.D. and MD in psychology from University of Pennsylvania, and for 19 years he was a practicing family physician in Maryland. Dr. Sax has spoken on the issues of child and adolescent development throughout the US, Bermuda, Canada, England, and numerous other countries, and he has visited over 400 schools since 2001.

Now, what makes understanding gender differences so important? We live in a society where, according to Dr. Sax, “the lack of awareness of gender differences has had the unintended result of reinforcing gender stereotypes.” For example, did you know that for the average boy to hear you as well as the average girl, you have to speak about 8 decibels higher, which is equivalent to 3 clicks on the car radio? Or that on average, girls’ visual systems are better at picking up color, detail, and texture than boys? And boys are better at picking up on speed and direction? There are concrete differences between boys and girls, and there are millions of ways to be male and female. Gender differences do not equate to gender inequalities. We should be celebrating these differences and better understanding them, rather than pretending like they don’t exist.

Even if you have no interest in gender differences, I encourage you to listen to this conversation to broaden your perspective because these issues affect everyone, including me and you. And yes, people may disagree with some things said in this episode, and I want that. I encourage you to reach out to me and Dr. Sax with any thoughts you have on this episode. Both of our emails will be in the description of this podcast, along with a link to Dr. Sax’s book Why Gender Matters. No matter how difficult, politically incorrect, or polarizing a certain topic may be, the goal should always be to have a conversation grounded in facts.