The Power of Karezza and The Price of Porn

Intro

On this episode of Auxoro, Zach talks with Devin McDermott about Marnia Robinson’s Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow and the philosophy and practice of karezza, a slow-focused form of sex that restricts orgasm and favors deeper connection with your partner. They discuss the benefits of restricting orgasm, increasing chances for bonding, and using the energy in your body for more rewarding things.

Key Takeaways

Our early DNA, and our propensity for orgasm, has us wired for polygamy, which ultimately makes our monogamous relationships fall apart.

“When you experience repeated orgasm with the same partner, it forms habituation.” — Devin.

— We want to be known as competent lovers, to our own detriment.

“Non-orgasmic sex is a way you can circumvent that.” — Devin.

— Removing porn and masturbation from your life can boost your energy levels.

— The animalistic view of “successful” sex is not helpful, and karezza fights against it.

— Karezza is like slowly releasing air from an inflated balloon instead of popping it.

— We tend to use orgasm to self-medicate.

— Semen retention is not for everyone, but it’s helpful for a lot of people to redirect energy in your life.

“This is the apex of sexual mastery: to control your own sexual urges.” — Devin.

— We need to undo the double-standard of slutiness for men and women.

“Honestly, though, I don’t think having lots of casual sex is good for anyone.” — Devin.

— Living for pleasure is hard after a while. When you make decisions that are counter to your urges, you’re making those choices based on your life goals, and you can start to move in that direction.

Why We’re Doomed to Fail

Repeated orgasm with the same person hurts long-term relationships.
Because we’re biologically wired to sire lots of children, we need to fight against it.
Orgasm specifically is linked to this behavior.

The Price of Porn

We’ve been sold the idea that sexual success is wild and violent.
Our urge to climax robs us of the ability to really love our partners and be present with them in our sexual experiences.
Porn and masturbation greatly hinder our ability to really connect with our partners.

The Mating Program Vs. The Bonding Program

When the goal is long-term monogamy and harmony, the “mating” mindset is harmful.
Instead of focusing on getting pleasure out of sex, the focus is on bonding with each other as much as you can.
It’s not performance-based. The goal is your partner.
Old sexual programming preserved our genes, but now it

Karezza in Practice

Devin has not practiced karezza long-term, but in the short-term, he’s seen some of the rewards.

Robinson’s Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow helps with combatting porn addiction, too.

“It’s hard to fight against the habitual wiring.” — Devin.
After some experience, you will realize it’s better to break the habit of regular orgasm.
Moving slowly is really the key to success with karezza.

“If you get too heated up, then just stop and hang out with each other.” — Devin.
It makes the most sense to try it in the morning.

“You shouldn’t be going to bed with a raging boner.” — Devin.
Foreplay mostly consists of cuddling and kissing. Some oral sex, if you’re careful.

The Payoff in Karezza

First, you’re still getting a really enjoyable experience.
It’s still the pleasure of an orgasm, it’s just drawn out instead of “explosive.”
The other payoff is increasing bonding with your partner.
Like in IF, you only eat in a certain window, and you’re not a slave to your appetite.
You can free yourself from the bondage of your own sexual practices.

What Does Closure Look Like?

There’s not necessarily a hard signal.
At some point, your impulses will naturally subside.
By the end, you’ll feel quite satisfied.

Counterintuitive, but Better

— What we’re hearing in Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow does sound ridiculous at first, but look at what everyone else is doing. It’s not working for relationships, so we need to think about it from another perspective.

Full Transcript, Click Anywhere To Play

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