The Abundance Mentality, Dating Ethically, & Taking The Lead as a Man

This time, I sit down with Dr. Taylor Burrowes, an expert lifestyle, dating, & relationship consultant. She has a Ph.D. in Marriage, Couples, and Family counseling and was in clinical practice as a licensed mental health professional for 14 years. She’s now retired and works as an independent consultant.

I first came across Dr. Burrowes on Twitter and found her relationship advice to be fascinating. As a guy, I’ve been hesitant in the past to go to women for advice about women, but Dr. Burrowes completely proved me wrong on that. No matter where you’re at in your life, single, married, dating, this conversation can apply to you. She is an absolute relationship Jedi, so without further ado, please enjoy this deep dive with Dr. Taylor Burrowes.

Here are a few highlights from the conversation:

Dr. Burrowes’ start in acting and film (4:00)

“Through acting, I learned how to absorb a perspective of the character in a way that would transform myself. At the time, I was going through a lot. Acting was a reset button that let me reconnect with parts of myself that I had forgotten for a long time.” (7:15)

“We live different ego states, like moods and perspectives, and we shift in and out of them depending on what the context is, what our mood is at the time, and what our motivations are, what our intentions are...We evaluate unconsciously what is useful to us and what we prefer to project out into the world. We have dormant ego states that don’t fit for us because we don’t like them or they’re uncomfortable for us. But if you recognize that, you can access them if you want. Then, you aren’t pretending to be somebody else, you’re accessing a part of you that lies dormant.” (9:30)

Dating people in different age ranges (13:30)

“You have to date ethically. If you’re not monogamous and are potentially going to be sexually active with multiple people, for men, at least approach those dates transparently and openly so that they know that you’re not committing to them sexually.” (15:45)

The different approaches of monogamy for men and women (16:50)

“The most important thing that I’ve found to be effective with men is the mindset: knowing that they don’t need to put the women on the pedestal, and they shouldn’t. They have the upper hand and they have to identify what they bring to the table. What are they offering? What is their value? They don’t have to beg for attention or affection...Don’t just accept unpleasant women who take advantage and friend zone you. Focus on internal confidence, what you have going for you personally and professionally.” (19:00)

The psychological missteps of Pick Up Artistry (22:00)

The Experimental & Exploration Phase Vs. The Exploitation Phase (24:55)

“Successful people are usually coupled, whether they’re married or not, and they’re able to make their lives very time efficient.” (27:00)

The paternal element of masculinity (29:00)

Taking the lead as a man with dating and in a relationship (32:00)

“You don’t need to control A to Z factors. You lead it. The leader doesn’t do everything. The leader doesn’t micromanage. The leader guides and creates a direction and has the deciding factor of the dynamic, but there’s still flexibility, discourse, complementarity, and energy that flows both ways.” (36:00)

This the basic fundamental of relationships and communication, that dance of energy. People who are too controlling are going to feel tight and uncomfortable...and people who are too absent or empty will be uncomfortable as well. You have to try to strike that nice even flow.” (39:00)

“Men are thinkers, but when they overthink they disempower themselves.” (43:00)

The effect of pornography on relationships (52:00)

“I did a poll on Twitter asking women to anonymously report their ‘body’ count.” (58:50)

“If he genuinely likes you, he’ll want to know who you are behind the curtain. He’ll listen and remember the things that matter to you.” (1:03:30)

Some Things and People Mentioned In The Conversation:

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